Lyrical Status: “They’ll to make you feel, that you’re not good enough. Ohhh… You feel so incomplete,  Don’t let them change you, show this whole world that you were made to shine, they can’t shut out your light no matter how hard they try, they try, but they never can win because they can’t stop what’s inside, they’ll to take you, try to take you down, remember  you were born to shine. Don’t let them make you think that you’re not pretty enough, no no no,  You’re beauty runs so deep. Umm huh. So deep inside you. You know that’s the reason why you shine. Shine they can’t shut out your light.” … “Shine” by Ashanti.

Feeling: Constructive

I’m accomplishing a lot today. My to do list is extra long because it’s the official last week of the semester and I’ve been feeling up and down but the more I complete the better I feel. I took care of my financial situation, I found my check and I feel like I’m grabbing a hold of my life again. I’m also taking control of my love life and who I want to be apart of it.  Some people aren’t worth my time lately and I’ve learned that. It’s not who most people would think it is either because people who know me most likely know the guy who I said I was done with and I don’t think me and him will ever be done. We talked for the first time in a while and it’s crazy how we can always pick up and where we left off and we’ve been doing this since junior high. He’ll always be a part of my life and I’m glad that I noticed a positive change in him. When I talk to him I grab this different aura and he can still put a smile on my face even when I’m having one of the worst days.  This boy knows exactly what to say and I can honestly come out and tell him I love him and mean it. I can tell he means it too. I guess we’ll see where the future leads us. I wouldn’t mind doing the long distance relationship thing again because the strong emotional support is there yet at the same time I get to put a lot of the focus on me and my future goals.

Some other sporadic highlights: I also got another job. I needed it and I’ve come the realization that if I like to shop (Which I do)  I need to like to work because can’t nobody support me like me.  I was home for the weekend and I love our new house. My Thanksgiving was great. I worked but I didn’t mind working I get paid for that.  I desperately want to buy me a new pair of jeans (although I already have millions of them) but I’ve been learning to sort out my wants and needs and I can honestly say I don’t need another pair of jeans. I need to take care of the bills that I do have before I go on any shopping sprees that I want.  Something else that I’m working on is my design skills. I’m putting those to work and have something in mind for them it’s going to be great when I get the chance to work on it. But I can’t have any fun until I do the not so fun things like millions of papers I have due.

 I also talked myself into reading my poetry tomorrow that should be very interesting being that people scare me and sharing my work scares me more.  I was also terrified but I auditioned for the play and I’ve never acted anything in my life but I think I did well. I don’t want to get called back for the part because I don’t think I’ll ever fit that in my schedule. I’m also trying to put more focus on myself. In high school and all my life I’ve been known because of someone else.  My brothers are popular and now college gives me the opportunity to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I’m taking control of that opportunity to the fullest. So life’s been going fairly well and looking up and I just pray that it keeps getting better because Chardae’ could use some miracles right now. I’m a very optimistic person and I would love to keep looking up to the sky and keeping that attitude.

I got a fortune cookie and usually what they say never stays with me but this one said “Time spent worrying about what you don’t have is time wasted on what you do have” — It’s never been true. I can waste all the time complaining about what I don’t have  and it wouldn’t really get me anywhere and I would be wasting all the energy that could’ve been geared towards something that I do have.