I’m pretty content with how things are in my life right now. (That’s not surprising I’m told. I’m very optimistic, even on bad days I have problems saying I’m having a bad day without cracking a smile.) How I love that smile. I have great news, I got my learners permit and hopefully I’ll pass the test and have my license very very soon.

 The only problem is my dad probably won’t be continuing with his driving lessons because he’s upset that I called him an “a hole”. I didn’t exactly even say the word I say “A hole”. It was mean I know and that’s not in my character but he frustrates me. I feel he’s holding my mother back from her happiness and me being the person I am, I endorse happiness to the fullest extent possible. My mom wants a divorce my dad doesn’t. He’s like stuck in the past, he still thinks things are the same way they were before he went to jail about three years ago. It drives me nuts to see them argue. He’s my stepfather technically but he’s practically raised me so I call him dad but my mother is my mother and I’ll always have her back. I’ve watched my mom progress to the person she is today.

During the numerous times my father has been in jail she’s held her own and she’s taken care of us. It was a struggle sometimes but it was done. There were times when we microwaved cold water because the hot water was off or the time when we used to go to work with my mom sit upstairs and play Nintendo 64 while she bartended (which was one of her two jobs) until she got off. My mother will always be my hero and nothing could change my perception of that. I don’t think she’s perfect, no it’s just she’s real. So my cousin will probably take me driving and I’m okay with that. I apologized to my father but things have still been weird. He told my mother I was “begging for her attention” I laughed when my mother admitted this and simply replied “I’m 21 I’m a college student begging for your attention no. I just want the arguing to stop.” I think he wants me to like beg him for forgiveness but I can’t I’m very disappointed him I thought jail would change him in a better way but I don’t know.

Speaking of family, I’ve been thinking about my sister on my biological father’s side of the family. She’s the only other kid he has, and I was thinking of trying to bond with her since I haven’t since we were very young. I just don’t know how to go about it or why I have this urge to do so. I’m a big sister to someone and I feel like I shut her out years ago because my biological father didn’t claim me at the time. That’s not fair to her and I don’t know if she feels that way. I’m very horrible with my feelings unless their written I know, I have to work on that.

Anywho everything else have been peachy. Me and my best friend are together again. It seems our friendship has matured a lot since jr high. He deserves another chance. Although at times I do find myself a little scared that he might hurt me again but it’s worth the risk. True love right?  I’ll be starting my senior year in about four weeks. I got a raise at my job and benefits. I hate the job but I like the perks of customer service. My beautiful aunt and uncle brought me a brand new laptop who I will love forever and ever. (I told them I would dedicate my first book to them) I also figured not only do I write my feelings I shop through them too. Well I shall call it a night. Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.