Feeling. Vulnerable

Everyone knows that I’ve been in the on and off again relationship since forever (jr high to exact) a lot of time lately though I find myself sitting back questioning is it worth it. Like is there better? This guy in particular was my first real serious relationship. I’m not physically rearranging things. I use the word rearranging for mental things. I may be going through this phase where it may be time to let go but I’m facing this horrible fear. What if I do let go and he comes home (he’s currently in the Navy- we are either on or off right now. We’re really good friends) but what if I pull the “Just Friends” card and it messes up our friendship then I won’t have him at all? Is this selfish of me? Who knows. So this is kind of like me writing to sort out my feelings (which crazy enough usually works when I’m done ) I think I’m young, I’m in college I have a good head on my shoulders therefore in conclusion I’m going to focus on me. Not him, who’s in the middle of the ocean somewhere waiting for me to appear on Facebook IM to tell me he loves me every chance he gets. He’s cheated so many times that I don’t even know if I can trust him.

Anywho, School’s been good. Senior year is going by so slow I need it to go slow because honestly I have no concrete plan for after college. I’m like “What happens next?” (lolz) I am finding myself struggling to find time believe it or not. I need to learn to say no to some people. I’m so involved and told myself that I want to be less involved for senior year and that hasn’t happened yet.