& What Is Life…What Does It Mean?

Recently huffing and puffing about life I told my mother that I do not want to be a secretary for the rest of my life. When she asked me why I didn’t want to be stuck at my new mundane 9-5 desk job that had salary pay and nice benefits I responded, “It don’t make me happy, It’s boring, I’m not getting anything out of it.”

She looked at me as if I was crazy before saying words an optimist as myself dreads, “You may never find a job that makes you happy. Just be happy you have a job.” That moment I grew quite angry and for a few minutes I imagined she was right. I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach and my mind scattered a million places. But you told me I could be whatever I wanted! I almost felt like a six year old and wanted to cry but I stared at her and nodded. I was confused. What if I never did find a job that made me happy? Maybe shes measuring my happiness in money or something I don’t know but I will tell you one thing. I refuse to give up. I will find something that makes me happy and gives me the opportunity to help people also. When I tell her I want to go to other countries to help little kids learn how to read she doesn’t understand. I genuinely have a want to help people. I feel a piece of me is fullfilled when I can help one person. I don’t consider myself a humanitarian but I enjoy helping. I also have a passion for writing. The perfect writing job necessarily doesn’t have to come with the most money. I feel like writing is what I was meant to do. I tell my mom all the time that I want to quit my job to write full time and she just looks at me like I’m batshit crazy. Maybe one day she’ll get it. I keep telling her when I publish my first best selling fiction novel I’m donating a little to a cause, giving her some, and keeping the rest for me and by that I do not mean go out and buy an expensive pair of shoes. I’ll still continue to wear off brand fashionably cute down to Earth type of things. (Whatever that means)!

I feel like since I’m young and I look great, I want to take advantage of some opportunities though. Growing up I was sure I knew what I wanted to do in life and I knew where I wanted to be. I still have that problem, where I want everything to be the way I want it to be. That is so not the case in life. I’m slowly learning that’s not how life works. I’m thinking of dabbling in modeling. My brother’s girlfriend is a photographer and she tells me I can make money looking the way I do. It’s not something I’ve always wanted to do since I’m not really great with being the center of attention but I think it’s worth a shot. Hmph! Who knows what the future holds. I’m just realizing an important lesson. The lesson of 2011 for me is learning how to let go and just let things happen. What did you want to be growing up? What are you doing now?

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Oh girl I am so proud of you! Never stop searching for your passions. I am a professional writer. I write a column for a newspaper and a local magazine, and I am writing my first novel as well. That’s the career I’ve chosen because it makes me happy, and I love what I do. My advice, you are young experiment and dabble in everything til you find the perfect fit for you, and you will. Then it won’t be a job- it will be your career- something you do because it helps fulfill you. I think its so wonderful you want to help children. When I was younger I was sexually abused by a babysitter, and ended up cutting all through high school. Once I grew up and learned how to cope in a healthy way all I wanted to do was help others! It’s a beautiful thing! so now, I volunteer at a local high school as a counselor and I listen to children who have suffered through some form of sexual abuse and have engaged in negative forms of coping. I see a lot of my personal characteristics in you, and I have no doubts you will find everything you were meant for. Follow your heart, follow your dreams, follow your passions. Stay strong girl, lots of love. ❤

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  2. @heartsinparis –  aww thanks. Your story is so inspiring. My mother keeps telling me like “writer really? that’s what you wanna do?” It’s what I’ve wanted to do my entire life. smh I just can’t take the mundane tasks of being a secretary my entire life. I think I would go mad. Thanks for such the inspirational comment lord knows I needed it.

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