&– a transparent glimpse into my life

Letting go isn’t about winning or losing. It’s not about pride. It’s not about dwelling on the past. It’s not about loss or defeat. It’s learning, experiencing, and growing. Letting go is to be thankful of the moments that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow.  It’s about all that you have and all that you had. It’s the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. It’s growing up. (Party Time Quotes)


Sitting across from her I stared at her watery dark brown eyes as she spoke to me about my work performance. A part of me felt bad but mostly I was frustrated. I knew this talk was way overdue. We were now at the point where we stopped talking to each other. I didn’t mind though I enjoyed the silence. “What could we do to better this? I want to be friends”, she told me through her thick Cuban accent. I looked up from my chipped black nail polish. “Communication” I spoke in the most sincere way possible. “Are you happy here? You don’t seem happy.”

My eyes almost bulged out of my sockets as I made out that question. Was I happy? “No I don’t exactly know when it happened but I’m not happy. Some days I wake up and I don’t want to come here. This will be my last job as a secretary. I feel like a maid.” I spoke honestly and I could tell she was surprised by the expression upon her face. “Do you think you will be here long?” I shook my head from side to side and stared her in her eyes. “Not at all…I’ve been looking for another job actually.” She sat silent seated at her desk. “Thank you for being honest thank you for telling me.”

Inside I was smiling a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder. “Why aren’t you happy?” she questioned again and I shrugged. “I guess I feel like I’m selling myself short. I have a Bachelor’s degree and I’m a secretary.” Again taken aback by my honest she sat quietly. What else could she say? What could she do with my honesty fire me? At this point, she was the only one who didn’t care for my work ethic. Everyone but my supervisor had a problem with my work. She was confused how she received such wonderful compliments about my work yet she didn’t feel that way.

Frustrated is definitely a word to describe my work attitude right now. I just want a writing job. My mother thinks I’m crazy for wanting to quit my job and go back to customer service. She claims that the money I make here is awesome but I miss seeing actual people at my job. Currently as a secretary, I sit at my desk all day and the only people I speak to are little old ladies who have nothing in common with me what so ever. They continually give me work to do that I feel are the most mundane tasks in the world and anyone who truly knows me knows I hate routines.

I’m so going out drinking this weekend. Good news is even though I failed my driver’s test, I am getting the paperwork done for my car so that I won’t have to worry about it on the 24th when I retake my test. I’m passing this time! J  I just have to get the title switched in my name and my dad says he’s going to put me on his insurance. I love him he’s amazing. I’ll take some pictures of the car when I get time to. It sucks I can’t get on my laptop at all. I need to buy a new charger apparently my charger is completely dead and I have to get someone to fix the screen since the frame that keeps the screen in place is falling apart. I fix computers I just do not take them a part. I guess things could be worse.  I’m enjoying life one adventure at a time. Hopefully someone will call me and offer me a job I actually want.


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