By Carrie Underwood
& — Divorce
Lately I’ve been pondering the theory that people mimic their parents (or whoever they grew up with) when it comes to relationships. I don’t really believe that but my 21 year old brother got me thinking. He told my mom if there wasn’t hope for my mom and dad how was he supposed to believe in true love. (He talked in circles and that’s what I picked up on). My parents (my step dad raised me and was the only dad I knew of until sixteen. I still don’t call my biological father dad because I think he has to earn the tile and it doesn’t feel right after all this time. I feel like even though he’s trying he kind of missed that bus) were together for all my life. They got married and I was excited for them and my dad went to jail a little after they got married. He was gone for about three years. My mom cheated and then divorced him when he came home. I love her to death but I feel like she’s making a mistake. She swears she knows what she’s doing but I think she can do better if she left her marriage to be with some young guy. It doesn’t have to be my dad but this dude is like 26. He’s young enough to be my brother and irks me but I’m over it. I keep telling her I just want her to be happy and I don’t care about it but I think I do. The just wanting her to be happy is putting her happiness before mine and I don’t want to tell her about how I feel because she’ll get offended. My other 2 brothers have made it clear that they hate this little relationship she has going on with this guy I just completely shuts down when she brings him up just like I always broke down when my dad said bad things about my mom and the divorce. It’s funny how my mother says she waited until all of her children were grown to divorce my father but it still effects all of us because we’re not children we know what’s going on. I love her to death but she drives me insane at times. I’ve tried questioning her about the divorce but I don’t seem to be able to understand.
My last relationship was terrible. I felt like I was putting his happiness before mine because I wanted it to work badly but I realize I never want to be that girl again and I deserved so much more in life. Letting go was the hardest thing to do but after six years on and off it was time to walk away. I’m not looking for someone that’s perfect just someone willing to put in the same amount of energy as me. I was joking with my cousin and I told her I refused to settle for anything. My words were “I’m a first draft pick I don’t have to settle for just anything.” She told me that was a great way to think of myself and by the way I don’t know much about sports.
It’s been three days and I’m already tired of driving. Everyone wants me to take them places and old friends who don’t have cars want to go places. I do not. Now I also have to start driving myself to work and that’s nerve racking enough. I always feel like my heart goes scuba diving in the bottom of my stomach when I get behind the wheel. Will that feeling ever go away? Ugh! I’m looking forward to sleeping in til noon Saturday. Being a grown up with a 9-5 sucks. This is what I wanted as a kid. (sigh) Hope everyone’s day is going well. How did you deal with your parent’s divorce if you have divorced parents?