The A Word

I am an awkward black girl and I don’t apologize for it. My heart races every time I speak in public. I have to stop myself from trying to appease everyone and I have routines that I hate to break but sometimes have to and it frustrates me.

The A Word (Awkward)

“You’re not awkward if you’re self-aware.” I’ve been told that again and again but because of the peer-mediation courses, a slightly angry pre-teen me was put in I learned how to address and react to my emotions accordingly quite early.

I’ve earned every opportunity given to me and I aspire to be the representation that our community needs.”

@omgitsjustdae

 

I was teased for being darker, having a large behind, and at times for being smarter. I soon learned that I would not be everything to everyone and that was okay. It took a while but I needed that struggle to get here. Visions of being pushed down, my shoes thrown into traffic, and being taunted in front of my peers motivated me to exceed everyone’s expectations. I needed to do better because some people saw the worst in me. I’m not going to deny me briefly being a bully as a result of me being bullied because that made me who I am.

Whoever constructed the stereotype for black people missed the mark. We come in all shades and personalities and we don’t regret it. Black women are diverse and we’re not what you see on TV.

Going from a very diverse high school to a predominately white college was a bit of shell shock when it came to racism. “Why can’t we have a White Student Union?” and the idea that racism didn’t exist coexisted in the same place. I grew up around all brothers, knew nothing about makeup, lived in books, and I looked like the definition of a black girl lost. The way that I dressed freshman year compared to senior year was completely different. The biggest change was that sophomore year I moved on campus and found my tribe. We were all different but sharing the fact that we were black women at a Catholic University, made us closer. We’re still friends to this day and we laugh at the memories we made and the drama. When someone said that your college friends are the ones you’ll keep, they really meant it.

The older I got the more I found other goofy, intelligent, and creative black women. I learned that awkward is fine. I’ve fallen in love, had my heart broken, fell in love again, failed at a lot of things but I focused on my successes. I’ll never get used to it. I don’t fit in and won’t fit in and that’s fine. I turned out to be a writer, activist, and a beautiful person.

“I have confidence about my life that comes from standing tall on my own two feet.”

Jane Fonda

 

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