I’ve become a real believer in not defining every single thing. It seems like every time you think you’ve figured out what something is, it just becomes something else. —Seeking Happiness

Sounds cliche but I’m on the pursuit of happiness. My path has changed more than I ever thought it would. I just knew I was going to graduate from college, find my dream job in sunny California and move out there to live with the love of my life. I feel like that chapter has long closed. Everything was supposed to work out and I was supposed to be on a beach showing off my tiny tummy in one of my many bikinis sipping on a margarita. Nothing ever works that way though! I left my customer service position that I had for five years of my life to be a secretary, I’m still living with mother, and there’s no beach within driving distance of me. I’ve been applying for jobs though. I just want to write. At this point I’m not really picky for writing for who. I just feel like being a secretary is too much like an office maid and I can do without. My mother’s upset because I’m always complaining that it’s too easy and it’s not something I want to do. For some reason she thinks money makes me happy which drives me insane. I’ll take a writing job that pays me less any day. I just want to use my brain, my degree I just want to create.

& as for love, it was finally time to do something to help my heart heal. I had to let go. I loved him because he was my first love but he would hurt me over and over again and it was becoming hard to forgive and  I think my head was telling me to pull away. I listen to my head when necessary. My head told me to withdraw from grad school and my head was right. Now to find a job that makes me & my life would be somewhat complete. I’ve been exploring my feelings to see what went wrong with my last relationship and I’ve to the conclusion everything. I outgrew him. I was shocked he was the same person we were together seven years and four of them were long distance. He hadn’t changed and college changed me.

I still haven’t told my father that my biological dad bought me a car. I’m afraid of it will just break his heart. Every time he takes me driving I want to tell him but I’m afraid of his reaction. It’s very hard to read him especially since the divorce with my mother it just drives me up the wall. I never thought as an adult a divorce would still affect me. My oh my! April 7th I take my driver’s test wish me the best of luck.