& Friendships

on

They say the older you get the more you grow a part from people. The optimist in me didn’t want to believe it though. I hold on firmly to the philosophy that you’re only as young as you think you are. Some of my friends (who are a few months younger than me) do not hold such beliefs. They’re stuck to the fact that they think at just 26 they should be ready to get married and have children. I’ve made a bit of a life plan and I haven’t set an age for my white picket fence fantasy. If it happens it happens and I’m not gonna stress over it. Stressing over life causes you to miss it most of the time. 

My problem is I’m too quick to make friends. Everyone is my acquaintance until proven unworthy. Maybe it should be the other way around. 
My closest gal pals have known me for an average of seven years. My bestest friend has known me for all twenty six. I’m starting to question if my acquaintance until proven unworthy is getting a bit out of hand. 
I learned first hand in New York (of all places) that you can’t call everyone your friend. After knowing each other for three months me and an acquaintance moved in together because we were both homeless in New York. I found us an apt to split and I even put up cash for a deposit and took out a loan for the first month’s rent (we would split the loan and pay on it monthly– she did at first). But looking back I noticed my genuine need to take care of everyone around me screws me over most of the time. Needless to say she was always late on her half of the rent, paid $40 towards a $400 TV we were supposed to split (& had the nerve to ask why I was keeping it when we moved out) and last but not least she “lost” the deposit that she was in charge of sending back to me after she took a bit to help her move.
The other day I was going through the checkout at Kmart and the cashier was going to give me back too much change, I told her her mistake and I didn’t need her to be short and she seemed so shocked with my honesty. That’s pretty sad. I like to be that person who somehow helps other people keep faith in humanity.  
I also think my compassion for people is a bit naive but that’s also what keeps me young at heart. I need to reserve going out my way for only the people who truly deserve it but I don’t think I know how and that would make me feel terrible. I find myself helping even if that person doesn’t deserve it. I believe deeply in karma and even when someone hurts me, I take it as a lesson not a regret. 
A part of me wants to be closed off and not as open to helping people but deep down I know I am not that person. I help people even when they don’t deserve it because at the end of the day it displays my character of who I am. 
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