Most people back away from things because of fear but after a little reflection I’ve learned that I might be motivated by fear and I have no idea when it happened.

Back in 2012 (the first time I got laid off) when I lost my job after college most people would’ve panicked. Instead, I took a road trip to the border to reflect and came back with a tiny speck of clarity. I did not know what was next. I just knew it would be an adventure. I ended up joining AmeriCorps and volunteering in my community for the entire summer which still is one of the best summers of my life. AmeriCorps watered the service seed that Carlow planted the four years I was there. AmeriCorps Keys Service also is where I first went camping (I did not like that) but I first zip lined after climbing a very tall rope ladder that I was terrified of (it was either that or a rock wall). Pushing past the fear to the top was worth the ride down and any time I can zip line while traveling I do.

AmeriCorps also helped me realize that my former flight attendant job was serving a community in too literal of a sense. I needed more fulfillment. After that seasonal break as a flight attendant, I ended up back home because I had seen all these places and I wanted to help my community not feel like a place someone had to flee because of the lack of resources and opportunity. “What if it could be better,” I asked myself.

I remember the call for volunteers in the community and I responded. That’s how one thing led to another and another. I went from Chair for a green space opening to a Home Rule Commissioner, to mayor in quite some time. The common thread in all these things I jumped into was that they gave me butterflies and scared me. I felt like that kid at Boyce Park who was just taught to swim in the shallow and placed in the deep end being told to swim or the waves would come. I absolutely love that feeling.

So here I am again, laid off for the second time, and instead of leaning back from opportunities that scare me. I lean in excited. I guess millennial me has experienced so much chaos that I’ve adopted the, “The worst that could happen is failure and I’ve failed so many times.” Failure is good. It helps me learn and gives me something to write about.

Rather your fear is going somewhere alone and working the room or asking for a raise because you deserve it, go for it. As my mother says, “Ask for what you want because the worse that can happen is a no.” Sure, I’ve gotten tons of no’s but I’ve heard way too many yeses to cry over that no. And my mother also taught me to never give up on something that I really want so if plan A doesn’t work there are 25 other letters in the alphabet.

I have no idea what I’m leaning into but in the time I’ve been laid off, I’ve released my third poetry book and published the 16th book as I help people publish. Sure, I lost a job but the company lost an opportunity and that opportunity is me because I’m going to end up elsewhere giving them my creative perspective. It’s like the zip line. Sure, the climb up is always rough and sometimes I have no idea what to expect but once I’m up there the view is gorgeous and those few seconds on that line are freeing. I’ve ziplined through the forest of Belize, the Strip on Freemont Street, and that very first time as a Keys Service Member just trying to find myself, and each experience has been worth every climb. Leaning into my fears is a sure way to keep me out of my comfort zone. Stay safe but don’t be afraid to get out of your own way.

“So many us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”- Jim Carrey