Growing up I’ve learned I’ll make mistakes. Growing up most of the time I was around my four brothers they resolved their conflicts by fighting and getting over it and occasionally they would not get over it right away but they got over it. Attending an all-girls university was a new ball game. Women play the long game. They could shake hands and say they’re over it but never really mean it. It took me evaluating my friendship with my best friend of all my life (literally and in a good way) to understand that not everyone argues or resolves conflict the same.

Me and my best friend grew up as the only girls. We have “only girl syndrome.” We didn’t have to share clothes or toys and in fact, we got to use our brothers’ toys. Also, I discovered that guys are much cleaner than girls for the most part but that’s a story for a different time. As kids, the boys fought and got over it. Not that I condone violence. Girls will work the mental and not get over it still.

I don’t know what it is about my thirties but even when I make a mess of life I use it as reflection time and learn from it because if I ever stop making mistakes then I stop growing and then what’s the point? Saying you’re sorry is the first step to accountability and changing your behavior is the next. I also was guilty of not accepting accountability once with a friend who did me wrong and when she finally apologized much later it wasn’t up to my standard but if my middle school mediator class taught me anything it is you can’t control how people apologize and you can’t control how people accept your apologies. You just do your best and accept what they give you because it’s not your responsibility to accept how people heal and vice versa. That was a groundbreaking moment for me. Now that I understand that I can do the best with what I have and either accept people at their best or don’t life has been easier. I’ve helped people who didn’t deserve it and I’ve overextended myself for people who didn’t need it. That doesn’t mean that I’ll stop it just means that from now on when people don’t give me the response that I want that I won’t hold them accountable for my expectations because I can’t expect me from people because they aren’t me. I can only control my emotions for what they are. I should not overanalyze interactions to the point where they seem unnatural.

As usual, I should do the best I can with what I have at the time and if that isn’t enough accept that I am human because I do things out of kindness or not at all. Life is hard enough.

Friendships shouldn’t feel that hard. – @justdae