What do you want to Be When You Grow Up?

Lately I’ve been content. I can’t settle for content though because of the fact that I’m generally a happy person and everyone knows this. So content is not good enough. Recently I’ve reflecting on why I’m not happy and when did this unhappy occur? Then it hit me like an epiphany as I was sitting in the back of the classroom in my Journalistic Style and Editing class. I looked around the room and noticed everyone taking notes and what was I doing? I was seated there thinking about my next character, my next plot, and my next beyond epic story idea. Instead of notes, I was writing down thoughts, scenes, and events that I made up in my mind.

By pursing journalism, I feel like I was turning my back on all these characters I’ve created. In the past five years I’ve finished about six novels (an average of one hundred pages each and all but two are typed), I’ve started over thirty and I’ve grown attached to every single character I’ve created. It’s another realm to me and other things have gotten in the way of the realm. Journalism was going to be my plan B if fiction didn’t work out. Turns out, I had a plan B already set in stone; I graduated with a BA in Professional writing. I have the knowledge to write grants and proposals, news, and I finished a twenty five-page thesis on the journalism industry. The point is, you name it I can write it! For once I silenced everyone’s “fiction writing is a competitive field”, and “it doesn’t make any money” speeches and thought about what I wanted to do. What truly makes me happy? I’m only happy when I’m writing fiction turns out. I have to write at least once a day and if I’m not writing I’m thinking about writing. That’s passion. That’s what I truly love. I think Journalism school is amazing but the thrill wore off after I was accepted. I don’t know deep down I was thinking maybe they wouldn’t accept me.

So for my birthday my biggest wish is to be happy. I hope to write more and to read more about writing and that everyone else around me accepts that. I know a lot of folks have high dreams and aspirations for me but I think I’m going to follow my own path. I love chasing dreams and seeing things through. Why else would I have went to California to visit a guy who might have been the one? I don’t like wondering what if, but my heart is telling me writing fiction is what I want to do. It sounds crazy and like I should know better but I don’t want better. I’d be happy if writing made me a little money for sure, but I’d be happier knowing I was doing what I loved. For a while now I’ve been making everyone else happy. It’s my turn to make me happy. So I shall keep you posted on how my mother takes such news. I think she just wants me to be happy to be honest and I love that about her. It’s funny when I need some direction on the direction of my life she doesn’t urge me to figure it. There’s just some things a girl has to figure out on her own.

So “What do you want to be when you grow up?” — My aspiration has never changed.