& Today it Happened

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It was today.
A lightbulb went off
Everything you had been saying for years

It finally clicked
I finally realized I had been holding on to us because
I didn’t want to be a quitter.

You know
You’ve always made me feel like
“The crazy one”
I love you.
I’ll always freakin love you.
I stayed through your cheating, your job and your children.

& Today
Today, I questioned all of it.
Today I questioned over ten years of on and off history

Your constant push/pull thing you do with my heart

You said you want better for me.
I want you to be happy.
But I can’t have what I want because
you’re being selfless
The one time you should be selfish.

You won’t even let me help
You won’t let me help you unpack your baggage
because I don’t have any

I just wanted you
I wanted you miserable, broken and all
I wanted to make decisions
I wanted to take the risk of you ruining us again.
I handed you that “one more chance”
But you refused to take it

We’re better off as just friends
We’re better as just friends!
Those were your words today
You said those words to me
Yet you were willing to move halfway across the globes
to be near me.

We got history
We had history, Sex Ed and chemistry together to be specific

All those classes and I still don’t have the intelligence
to figure this out

I keep saying our story is unfinished.
We’re not done yet.
But today
Today I realized maybe this is your best
& you can’t be the man I need you to be.

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