My Auntie Kitty always has at least two Christmas trees
and more than two dozen people in her house.
Christmas is her holiday.
My mother’s is the fourth of July
Thanksgiving is always a surprise here lately. “It’s too much food. Too much money.”
10 children and 28 adults
That’s the count this year for our annual grab bag.
“You have to spend no more than $25 dollars but don’t go on a shopping spree at Five Below.”
I have no idea how this tradition lasts so long.
I’m the gate keeper of all the names.
Names are drawn on Thanksgiving
Hunger Games Style
And I’m Effie Trinket. “Let the odds ever be in your favor.”
It only took about 3 years of people not showing up or showing up gift-less for me to hijack the whole thing.
It’s not about the gifts though.
It amazes me how organized my dysfunctional family can be.
There’s at least 2 coolers of beer, wine that could fill the Red Sea
And homemade pudding shots given away Oprah Style.
It takes approximately 4 minutes
For the youngest child to slip away and pull at the beautifully decorated Christmas tree in the foyer
And 2 seconds to catch him before it falls.
At least 1 person will hate their grab bag gift and joke about it next year.
25 percent of the household is well on their way to drunk
And the entire house is full of laughter, dancing, and people stuffing their face with food.
There’s a 100 percent chance that everyone is tired
Yet no one wants to go home.
If Christmas wasn’t the next day
All ten children would beg to stay.
I’m 107 percent sure my family is dysfunctional
but dysfunction makes for great stories
and they’re the most loving group of dysfunctional people I’ve ever met.