When I was a kid, I hated my cocoa colored skin.
I didn’t have a reason either.
Turns out I hated it because everyone else hated it.

I got pushed and shoved and called names that I still remember to this day.

I still vividly remember the fresh tears rolling down my cheeks after one girl threw my shoe in the street.

I’ve never been a fighter, I was an easy target.
She wants to be friends now that we’re adults.
Because yeah that’s how life works.

 

My neighbor used to call me “Charnight,” How creative.
She knew I didn’t like it so she told everyone else to say it.
Because kids are cruel, they went with it.

Turns out she’s a lesbian now so it kind of makes sense
Maybe she had a crush on me.
She also wants to pretend those days never happened.
Too bad you can’t take words back once they leave your lips.

I remember crying because I didn’t want to stand out.
What I would’ve given to fit in.
They called me “burnt,” told me I was “crispy” and I “sat in the sun too long.”
I couldn’t for the love of me understand why my friends would respond
They’re just words, to my cries.

Yes words are magical. They have the power to brighten someone’s day

or shatter their self-esteem before they can even build it.
I wonder if those words weren’t so magical in the wrong way and
If I had self-esteem when I needed it would I have made other choices growing up?
If I wasn’t made to feel invisible by my peers before I knew what that was
would I have begged for attention in all the wrong ways?

The one thing I couldn’t control, they hated me for.

Low self-esteem started with their words and somehow snowballed from there
By the time the bullying was over, I found my words by then.
Those people who hurt me and now want to be friends
I smile a bit now and ask myself “Where the hell were you when I needed a friend?”