If 2017 was a drinking game a lot of us would be beyond drunk. As an optimist I’m obligated to find the bright spots and the moments of celebration from 2017. Last year I made a list of things not to bring into 2017. This year I took a different approach and hope to bring these valuable life lessons into 2018.

A loyal friend isn’t always a quality friend.  Anyone can be a loyal friend but it takes a special person to be a quality friend. Tami Roman and her darn Bonnet Chronicles are catchy. She recently posted one talking about how anyone can be loyal. That’s not a big deal. “As long as you’re providing a seat at the table, people are gonna still come.” That made me realize just because someone’s been there for a long time doesn’t mean they’re a quality friend. People that aren’t quality friends bring you drama and cost you peace. There is nothing more expensive than peace.

I am not my hair.  After an allergic reaction to some crochet hair I loced my hair. My mom has had her locs almost as long as I’ve been born. This journey has taught me to be more secure in my space. “As long as I like my hair it doesn’t matter what the next person thinks.” As my one year loc anniversary approaches I realize it also teaches me patience. Some days I’m impressed with my gravity defying hair and other days I put it in a messy bun. Before this experience I had no idea what my hair texture was or the fact that my hair could grow as long as it has in such a short period of time. I didn’t embark on this journey to teach myself a lesson but somehow it’s happening and I’m okay with it.

Sometimes you have to pull up a chair at the table or you won’t be invited. Growing up my mom always told me to ask for what I want. The worst thing someone can tell you is no. Recently I asked for a raise and my supervisor initially said no but soon after returned with a yes.

Wins wouldn’t taste as sweet without failures. Sometimes I’m going to fail and I’m okay to live with that. As long as I know I did my best and I don’t loathe in said failure, all is well in life.

Self care is not the same as being selfish. If you always put everyone first you will burn out and won’t be able to help yourself, help others. I’ve taken vacations, cut some friendships, and even put an end to some projects for the sake of my sanity. Nothing is worth more than peace.

Being alone is not the same as being lonely.  My inner middle child is why I’m so independent. I don’t mind going out to eat by myself, treating myself to a movie, or simply showing up to an event solo. I’m a people person and will find people no matter where I go.

I’ve traveled at least twice this year, sprinkled kindness and silliness everywhere I went, and I’ve got closer to myself this year. I look forward to approaching 2018 with the mindset that if it doesn’t bring me peace I don’t want it.

What are a few of your life lessons from 2017?