“Oh we together but we’re not together together.”
“It’s complicated.”
Is it though? Is it really that complicated? Sis, you deserve better and if you’re still tip toeing through the dreaded situationship, you’re single until you and the other person exchange some kind of labels. So many people claim that labels are terrible and that they’re only for jeans, and labels are constraining, but it’s not 2006 and we’re getting older and hopefully wiser. This whole let’s do what people in relationships do but not label it thing is a bit selfish.
Lots of peeps complain about girlfriends doing wifey things which is acceptable in my millennial playbook as that’s practice. My generation has taken this a bit further though and we have friends doing girlfriend things. Where do you go from there? In my early 20s that was a thing but going into my 30s I’m like, “eww choose.” How do you live in this upside down limbo?
Recently, I read a rant (but I’mma call it a quote) saying that you’re single until you’re not because it’s complicated isn’t a status it’s a statement. My aunt said something a while back that stuck with me. Dating is dating multiple people until you’re exclusive because you could be out here treating one guy like the one, meanwhile you’re one of many.
“I don’t like labels. Let’s just figure it out.” Real cute but after seven years on and off in a situationship, I see the signs and the error of my ways. Sit down. Have a mature conversation and if he’s afraid to answer, “what are we” then you’re nothing and if he hits you with the, “we’re just friends” take it for what it is. My ex would “friend zone” me when we fell out and the last time I hit him with the, “friends don’t do x, y, z, and if I can’t have more than I want none of you.” It was hard but liberating!
In a sense, treating dating like you would do a job is important because unlike a job, dating isn’t making you money but you’re investing time and time you don’t get back. It wasn’t all a waste of time though because I got a lot of raw poetry out of it and I’m dropping probably my only poetry book. Back to dating though…after a while being in a never ending situationship is like going to work every day without a paycheck. If that’s your kind of thing, kudos to you. If not, figure it out soon.
OMG It's Just Daé 
I couldn’t agree more, who has time for that. We’re getting too old for the foolishness. Now if you’re young and wanna do this be my guest but realize what you’re setting yourself up for! People treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. Great post!
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Yasss all of this. I don’t do situationships unless I specifically want them. If I’m riding for you and you’re riding for me we need an official label/title.
-Shay
http://www.shayshaytries.com
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I agree situationships are a waste of time and the hanging in limbo tells you everything you need to know about where your partner stands honestly.
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Girl!!! If you don’t speak the absolute truth!!! I don’t believe in labels is soooo trash!!! It is mind boggling that woman still fall for this. If a man wants you to be his and only his (in a relationship), he is willing to give you an exclusive relationship. Thank you for posting this wisdom.
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Thank you for commenting. The older I get the more I realize “I don’t believe in labels” was a cop out for someone who is afraid of commitment. 😂😂
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Nice read! I’m an active Christian so I try to go by the good book. I’m celibate and single but when my guy find me, we’re courting in a Godly manner. Not gonna treat each other like husband and wife until the day comes when he gets on his knees. Everything will fall in place then. ☺️
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yessss speak it!! more females need to see this post and get it together
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This post empowered me so! I’m getting back on these dating apps with a new found love for myself. Thank you for sharing!
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You’re welcome. Don’t forget that there’s someone out there for everyone to the point where settling isn’t a necessity.
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All of this. I notice a lot of my black peers still have the relationship goals of from their grand greatgrand parents generations and that isn’t realistic. Stop doing 1950s labour as women but not getting 1950s results from me. Don’t play yourself boo. If you want to play the field, play the field. It is fun.
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You make a good point.
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That was my summer of ’08. So glad times have changed for me! Excited to see this book!
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This was interesting and I’m glad you moved on. Sitiuionships are so common because people only want the benefits of a relationship but yet don’t want the responsibility.
It’s good you write poetry and congratulations on your poetry book
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Thanks.
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I love this post so much! Just followed you. I totally agree. Settling for a situationship is sometimes a way to have a lover and a friend rolled into one but leaves you feeling empty when you want more and he is not willing to commit to you because you’re the one who created that standard. Sigh. I wish I could write about this stuff- he reads my blog so it would definitely be sub blogging. Anyway- I’m so glad I came across your blog- hope we can be blog friends xo
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