Before you jump down my throat hear me out. I’ve been scorned way too many times for me to still be a professional optimist and I know this and don’t understand this. It’s not going to make me less chipper though. It will make me wiser. As the only girl amongst my mom’s two boys I’m a unicorn in my own right. At the end of the day though I still give people, family or not family, my kindness rather they deserve it or not.
I believe in karma. I’ve given my last dollar to strangers not knowing when my next one would come but believing it would. I’ve been a safety net to the people close to me and before my current relationship I believed I didn’t have a safety net of my own. I encouraged people to follow their dreams and have my entire life knowing I would be there if said people failed and knowing I had no one like minded in my life.
As a somewhat balance of a child-like old-soul with a kind a heart, I refuse to give up on people. But it took me over 30 years to understand that it’s not selfish to care about my happiness. I’ve been unhappy before and still continued to carry peoples’ happiness with a smile. I didn’t know I was doing it but hindsight is only 20/20.
My frustrations and struggles isn’t enough to make me pull back on helping people. The more I help people though, the more courage I get to savor my moments of happiness. I’ve educated, helped people up, and even fed people at nothing more than the expense of my personal peace but it was all learning lessons as I expected nothing in return.
I’ve noticed that now that I’m at peace more than I’ve ever been, I say “okay,” more to help keep my peace even when people do things that aren’t exactly “okay.” It’s even annoyed people seeking confrontation. I no longer value teaching grown adults pivotal lessons at the expense of my peace as my peace is the most important asset in my portfolio.
My first job was working my mother’s daycare. I was taking care of children before I understood the severity of the situation. It kind of comes full circle as I’ve come to the realization that teaching adults adolescent lessons is not in my wheelhouse anymore.
At the end of the day, I know my mother raised an outstanding woman to think for herself, and that if I make the wrong decison she understands my motive was nothing less than genuine and at the end of the day sincerity matters.
I’ve overdrawn my personal peace account more than I’ve ever overdrawn my bank account in life and no one cares about that credit score. – Justdae